


on: the Process of Falling

by sugar_is_poison



Series: The Years [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Time Skip, bokuaka as told in the perspective of inu, inunaki pov, plants r friends, spoilers for post-time skip!!!, stupid stupid icarus metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugar_is_poison/pseuds/sugar_is_poison
Summary: It wasn’t hard, or forced, the process of falling.In which Inunaki recounts falling in love with Bokuto, and observing the relationship between Bokuto and Akaashi from a distance away.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou & Inunaki Shion
Series: The Years [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983110
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	on: the Process of Falling

**Author's Note:**

> \- tw: mentions of mental instability, implied sexual content  
> \- a side story of [The Kind Years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131959/chapters/66255448). u would need to have read The Kind Years first... or not, who am i to tell u how to live ur life.  
> \- enjoy. idk y i did this to myself.

**It wasn’t hard, or forced, the process of falling.**

When Bokuto showed up in his life, Shion had to literally squint a little to avoid accidentally blinding himself by staring too directly at the younger man, constantly radiating a glow of some sort. Shion didn’t know what that glow was until pretty late into their relationship. 

That, and the fact that Bokuto screamed “HEY HEY HEY” after making a spike too loud sometimes. 

Ugh, Shion sighed, another hotheaded barely-adult boy on the team (other than himself). 

When you are forced to live with someone as ~~fun, gorgeous, caring as~~ Bokuto for extended amount of time, you welcome him into your life, and find yourself loving him, one way or another. 

Shion tried staying aloof, he really did. He, out of everyone, would know the horrible consequences of dating a teammate--when he was still with the Green Rockets, he dated a 2 meter tall setter, and was left a mess when the man moved overseas after his contract expired. He succeeded in “staying aloof” for probably about four months. 

**It was the small things that pulled Shion in.**

It was the way Bokuto always said good morning with a beam brighter than the Sun itself, it was the way Bokuto had an army of plants sitting on his little balcony, it was the way Bokuto’s nose scrunched up whenever he was thinking a little too hard, it was the way Bokuto got all touchy and held Shion’s hand to thank him for a dig after a spike gets shut out, a couple thousand borrowed yen for ticket fare when Bokuto forgot his wallet, or even just a popsicle fresh from the fridge in summer. 

But it was also the way Shion, out of everyone on the Black Jackals team, gets to see Bokuto’s bad side. Or sad side. Because he didn't really have a bad side. Three days into living with him, Shion had heard the name Akaashi over a few hundred times. What an idiot in love, Shion had thought. Mhm, as if that wouldn’t be him in a few months’ time. He had seen Bokuto checking his phone nonstop for hours on end for a text that never arrived, had heard him sniffing and sobbing to himself through a (very thin) wall at night, and had seen the red, irritated skin around his puffy eyes the morning after. 

Shion really wanted to punch Bokuto whenever he gets all puppy eyed and melodramatic during that period of his life. But that urge to physically _get involved_ was always overpowered by his desire to care for Bokuto. So, he started greeting Bokuto back in mornings, started memorizing the name of the plant army (Koko, Haru, Kenichi Matsuyama--yes the hot Japanese actor, Chika, Fuwa, Chibi, Midori, Kugi), started talking him out of his thoughts when he was trapped too deep, and started giving little encouraging gestures through physical contact with him because that’s the expression of affection Bokuto’s familiar with. 

Maybe Shion has a savior complex. 

He cared--he still does--for Bokuto so much, that during that one time out clubbing in Rio, he swore he could’ve drop kicked that sly European man. Back then, he somehow convinced himself that it would be just a friendly thing to do. (Surprise, it wasn’t.)

Eventually, Bokuto stopped sighing at his dark phone screen, stopped crying at night, and his under eye skin condition clearly improved. 

Shion didn’t dare to claim everything as his doing, but he was glad he was helping Bokuto out. In the process of, listening to the crazy young man with the black and white mismatched hair talk about everything with _zeal_ , knowing more and more about him every day every hour every second, and feeling it’s still not enough. 

Their friendship was rock solid two years after the day that Bokuto moved in. They went shopping together, talked in the same corner during break at practice, and even had themed movie nights. 

**Then, came the little push.**

Facing the Green Rockets itself wasn't a scary concept. It was an early game for the regular season of V.League teams, so everything should be fine, really. 

Except it wasn’t. Facing the jersey color he once wore, it was difficult concentrating on the task at hand, especially when he found his mind swimming somewhere within the arms of a 2 meter setter. But everytime he saw Bokuto’s back contracting for a spike, as if a bow being pulled to the fullest the millisecond before the arrow is set free, everything else fell away. Yeah, he could do this. 

Kiryu, as it turned out, was as brutal as ever. He had been targeted the entire game, that Shion knew, but somehow that one particular service ace coming right at him with an appalling amount of sheer force at the end of the fifth set shook him to his core. Physically and emotionally. 

Shion panicked. Bokuto tried lifting him out of his stupid emotional ditch, but everything was too much all of a sudden. So they lost. 

When they got back to their dorms, unlike the many times that Shion cared for Bokuto, it was the younger man who held him close this time. Like he was something fragile. Shion _isn’t_ something fragile. But he let himself be, that one time, because it wasn’t just _anyone_ , it was Bokuto. 

Shion told his stupid romance story with the setter to Bokuto that night. Well, he did that, with mouth closed, smooshed into the spiker’s strong chest. So Bokuto couldn’t understand a single word he was saying--or rather, mumbling. But he didn’t demand an answer, didn’t make fun of Shion, and above all, he stayed, even though the noises Shion made didn’t really mean anything. He stayed, right there when Shion needed him the most. Shion hadn’t had someone like that in his life for a while. 

**So Shion fell, head first. Hard.**

That summer day in the gym locker room was strange. Shion thinks both of them saw it coming--why else would Bokuto try to jumpscare Shion with only a towel on (other than the fact that Bokuto mentally is, indeed, a five year old)? The sexual tension was, for lack of better words, through the roof. 

Shion doesn’t quite remember the kiss or the sex that day. They were needy and desperate and all they could do was take take take. 

What he does remember, though, was that hysterical run through the thunderstorm. It seemed as though the summer rain was furious, attempting to wipe away any trace of heat. The raindrops pelted around them hard, clear and loud. But all Inunaki could hear was his own heartbeat, mixed with Bokuto’s laughter. Suddenly they were the only ones left in the entire world, with hands interlocked, clothes soaked and stuck to their skin, and screaming in joy as if they were the main protagonists of a romance novel. 

Shion _wanted_ to be the main protagonist with Bokuto. 

But he knew it was impossible when he woke up on the couch later that night, disoriented, hearing Bokuto on a phone call in his bedroom, behind a haphazardly half closed door. Within a few sentences, Shion realized that it was Akaashi who Bokuto called. 

**Shion’s heart almost broke.**

He was launched into a week-long fever after that day. Bokuto was apologetic. Meian was baffled. Foster was beyond mad. 

During those couple of days when he had the dorm to himself, Shion thought about a lot of things. He thought about Bokuto, he thought about Akaashi, and he thought about himself in between their relationship. 

Did Shion know Bokuto was in love with Akaashi all along? He probably did. He wasn't blind, he’d seen those blatant red flags waving right in his face. Ok they weren’t blatant anymore, they were subtle. Bokuto no longer cried about Akaashi at night, sure, but it didn't mean that Shion couldn’t see the brightest grin he wore whenever he left for the train station, to go back to Tokyo. 

A synonym of “to go back to Akaashi”. 

Shion reached no useful conclusion those days. He was convinced, however, that his heart will be absolutely shattered by Bokuto, single-handedly. 

**Then a miracle was granted to him. In a public bathroom stall.**

It’s ironic, how the most important moments in their relationship took place in the strangest of locations. 

Shion doesn’t want to call it a miracle, because that will imply some bigger, mysterious power was behind it. It was a miracle because it happened, but it wasn’t a miracle because it was two common human beings, Bokuto Koutarou, and Inunaki Shion, who made it happen. 

“We can be whatever you want to be, Koutarou.”

Then, Shion heard his own question thrown back to himself from years ago when he just reached the age of 18. 

“And what if one of us eventually leaves the Black Jackals one day once our contract expires…?”

For once in Shion’s life after his breakup with the setter, he quoted him. 

“It’s all about right now, isn’t it?”

He probably sounded so fucking cool at that moment. But his heart was on the brink of shattering. 

Shion doesn’t know if back then Bokuto knew the weight of that sentence, out of his mouth. Because Shion carved his heart out, still beating and bleeding, and presented it to Bokuto on both of his hands, saying, “hey, do you want to play with it?”

He expected Bokuto to be cruel--no, not that. He expected the worst case scenario. And the worst case scenario was Bokuto being cruel. But Bokuto isn’t cruel. He won’t be. Not ever. 

So instead, he asked Shion to wait for him. 

And so Shion waited. Until a couple months later, Bokuto surprised him and asked him to be his boyfriend. 

It almost brought tears to Shion’s eyes. So _this_ is love! He was elated, thrilled, in an utter bliss. All these years, all the falling head over heels, all the times he almost had his heart broken…!!!

He made one small joke with a playful spin on Bokuto’s honorifics, and Bokuto crumbled. He folded himself into Shion’s embrace, when crying over another man. 

**Shion came to a painful realization that night.**

He stayed awake until one in the morning, listening to Bokuto breathe. 

Bokuto was a jumbled mess of threads of all colors left behind by someone else for a scrapped project, and Shion wanted to sit down and pick everything apart, then braid it into something new. Something of his own creation. Something he won’t ever lose. Something that belongs to _him_. 

But Shion knew since a long time ago, that Bokuto doesn't belong to him, and nor does he really belong to Akaashi. Bokuto belongs to himself. Shion’s just been too caught up in their lovey dovey things to recognize it. The ties between them, the relationship they were in, this _love_ that they had, were a medium. A medium to free Bokuto from his childhood dreams, his teenage love, and his immaturity. A medium to deal with the growing pains. 

At that point, then, Shion faced a choice. He could push Bokuto away and keep his own heart protected from completely shattering, or he could accept Bokuto with open arms, knowing fully one day he is sure to leave him too. 

Take a guess, which one did Shion, the dumbass, choose? 

**Shion chose to have his heart broken. Gladly.**

Because truth be told, even if the tragedy at the end was foreseen the moment they met, Shion would still run towards Bokuto--forgive his cheesy metaphors--like Icarus with feathers and wax as wings, flying recklessly towards the Sun. Because that warmth coming from Bokuto, is something once in a lifetime. 

That was when Shion realized what Bokuto was constantly radiating. It was love. Unconditional, big, bright, dumb, selfless, and breathtaking love. It doesn’t matter who it was, Bokuto’s instinct was to love them. 

And Shion just so happened to be one of the luckiest, being this close to Bokuto. As someone who stopped believing in true love since he was 19, at the age of 23, Shion finally learned to seize the opportunity of love without a care about how it ends. 

Live a little, they say. The world might end tomorrow, they say. 

So Shion loved Bokuto, as if the world really would end the time he went to bed each and every night. He did that, for two and a half years. During that time, Bokuto held Shion’s heart with so much care and devotion, that Shion almost thought they could last forever. 

**They didn’t last forever, but neither did Shion’s heart break.**

Shion suggested the breakup. Bokuto was a whirlwind of emotions--he always had been. So Shion spent hours, explaining to him the reasonings behind this suggestion. 

In short, Shion was tired. 

It sounded like a cruel thing to say but it really wasn’t. 

Shion was tired of hoping. Hoping that staying in this relationship with Bokuto and dragging it out would land him Bokuto’s true love. He’s gradually come to realize, ever since that rainy day when they first had sex, Bokuto has been trying to reciprocate the love Shion had for him. 

Shion’s love was selfish, wanting Bokuto. Bokuto’s love was selfless, wanting to return the love to Shion. Loving someone and returning someone’s love could be blended into one thing. Yet they’re vastly different. 

No, Bokuto shook his head, no. He loved Inu-san too. All those years, the grocery shopping runs, the walks through the park, the exchange of keychains and that stupid kiddie pool. Did they not mean anything to Inu-san? 

It meant everything to me. And that’s why I’m letting go of you. You don’t need to stay by my side as if you’re paying some sort of debt. 

Bokuto refused to accept that idea for a solid hour. By the end, Shion knew he had to ask one question and one question alone. 

“Do you love Akaashi-kun?” He ripped the band-aid off, and the burns coursed through his entire body. It was a good pain. 

This time, without a pause, Bokuto nodded. 

“Do you love me as much as you love Akaashi-kun?”

Bokuto froze. 

It was foul play, on Shion’s part. He shouldn’t force Bokuto to make a comparison between the two of them. But he did, nonetheless, for Bokuto to understand. 

“I love you the same way you love Akaashi-kun, Koutarou.” he spoke softly. 

Bokuto had loved Akaashi unconditionally, from the very beginning when they were just kids. As many rough patches as they’ve been through, as distant as they’ve grown apart, Shion knew, Bokuto would always, always, love Akaashi. For him, Akaashi’s the representation of his youth, his first love, and the time of his life. 

And that, would be the factor setting him apart from Akaashi. Truly, Shion never stood a chance. 

Bokuto looked sad when he accepted Shion’s reasoning. He would’ve respected Shion’s decision one way or another, but it was the realization that he didn’t love Shion the way Shion loved him that bugged him. Yeah, he’s a good person like that. 

So Shion took him into an embrace, and told him thank you. He thanked him for talking to him during their first practice, for agreeing to room with him, for buying groceries and attempting to cook, for the kisses and the sex, for the kiddie pool, for introducing him to the plant army, for being there and holding his heart everytime Shion thought that thing was sure to shatter. 

Bokuto, of course, was a crying mess by the end of it. 

Shion made one last request. 

“Can I be selfish one last time?”

“Of course, Inu-san.”

“Keep this--our little flames--a secret between us two? If I can, I’d like to have no one else have a share of our memory together.”

Their relationship was never made public--at least not on their team. That’s one thing Shion would be forever thankful for. That the two and a half years when he had Bokuto was something that truly belongs to Shion. 

Bokuto nodded, furiously, sobbing. 

Shion smiled. 

**It wasn’t hard, or forced, the process of falling out of love.**

It was graceful, it was a learning process, it was all that Shion could wish for. 

He decided not to renew his latest five year contract with MSBY after the 2018 season. Moving back to Wakayama might do him some good. Soak some sun up by the beach, hit up some of his old friends, travel a little, and maybe even he can find another protagonist in his story soon? 

Yeah, Shion will find his protagonist soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is sugarispoison. i finished the story from inunaki's pov in less than a day after posting The Kind Years, just bc i needed to get it out of my system. we know basically nothing abt inunaki other than that he "appears to be someone who enjoys teasing others" from hq wiki, so i had a lot of fun building a character from the ground up. u can say inu is a tragic character, but imo u can also argue he is in a learning process. ambiguity is the essence of a romance, i think. 
> 
> fogive the icarus metaphor. im terribly sorry. 
> 
> any kudos/comment puts literal smiles on my face :)
> 
> find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/sugar_is_poison)


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